How to figure out which is your love language

  • 3 min read

How to figure out which is your love language

Almost everyone likes tangible ways to show their loved ones how much they’re loved. Many people, however, find it difficult to do so in a way that speaks to their loved one's heart. 

In a relationship, there are five love languages that describe how people receive and express love. They were outlined by author Gary Chapman. If you’re interested in learning more about these love languages and how you or others can show love, read on!

Quality Time

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The psychology underpinning this display of affection places a premium on quality above quantity. "Quality time," says Chapman, "means giving someone your complete attention."

Anyone may use quality time as a love language, and discovering methods to use it in non-romantic relationships is also vital.

Acts of service

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If acts of service are your love language, you appreciate it when your partner goes out of their way to make your life simpler. When you're unwell, it's things like bringing you soup, making your coffee in the morning, or picking up your dry cleaning after a long day at work.


People who feel that deeds speak louder than words should use this love language. People on this list, unlike those who prefer to hear how much they are loved, prefer to be shown how much they are cherished. These people value doing minor and large chores to make their life easier or more comfortable.

Words of affirmation

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People who value verbal acknowledgements of affection, such as frequent "I love yous," compliments, words of praise, vocal encouragement, and often frequent digital communication such as texting and social media involvement, regard words of affirmation as a love language.


Written and spoken expressions of affection matter the most to these people.These expressions reassure them that they are understood and valued.

Physical touch

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Physical expressions of affection, such as kissing, holding hands, cuddling on the sofa, and intercourse, make those who use physical contact as their love language feel cherished. For people who speak this love language, physical intimacy and touch may be very encouraging and serve as a powerful emotional bond. 


The origins can be traced back to our youth, when some children only felt profound care and love from their parents when they were hugged, kissed, or touched.


People who express their gratitude through this language feel loved when they are hugged, kissed, or snuggled when they consent to it. Physical touch provides them with a sense of warmth and comfort, which they treasure.

Gift giving

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Gifts are a simple love language: when people offer you "visual representations of affection," as Chapman puts it, you feel cherished. It's not about the monetary value of the thing, but about the symbolic meaning behind it. 


This personality type understands and appreciates the gift-giving process, including the careful consideration, the purposeful selection of an object to represent the connection, and the emotional advantages of receiving the gift.


Receiving gifts is a pleasant experience for people whose love language is tangible and meaningful. Giving them meaningful items that represent their values, not necessarily yours, is the key.

The reason why learning about love languages is important


Knowing your own love languages will help your self knowledge and make you express yourself better. Learning your friends’  and your partner's love language will help you understand how they express their affection and make you feel more valued - and help you to do the same to make them feel more valued as well.


Speaking of how different people show love in different ways, check out Loola’s YouTube video on sisterhood, love, and, of course, Loola!